Don't Call It A Comeback

The greatest comebacks in sports history:

10. Wes Welker

I hate the Patriots with a passion, but to come back eight months after tearing your ACL and MCL--and score two touchdowns--is no small feat.

Related note: More ACLs are torn by old people in the cafeteria MCL than all other North American restaurants combined.

9. Mike Tyson

Iron Mike spent three years in prison for breaking and entering or theft or rape or something like that, then defeated "Hurricane" Peter McNeeley in the first round.

Related note: McNeeley, according to his Wikipedia page, once punched out a man and stole his wallet containing $200. So Peter McNeeley will have a nice obituary when he dies in two years, anyway.

8. George Foreman

This entire list could have been boxers, but dedicating an entire post to a dying sport is wedged between the XFL and SlamBall on the "Worst Sports Ideas Ever" list. With that said, Foreman won the Heavyweight Title at 45, 20 years after he previously held the belt. Pretty impressive.

Related note: George Foreman has murdered one child every year for the last 37 years.

7. Shawn Michaels

The Heartbreak Kid destroyed his back while I loved wrestling, tormented me with rumored return stories while I loved wrestling, then came back four years later when I couldn't care less about wrestling. Then again, if I was wearing an HBK shirt at Buffalo Wild Wings, weeping at his return, I probably wouldn't be engaged right now. Actually, I'd be dead from a cough syrup-pain killers concoction.

Related note: Bret Hart also came back this year, but he doesn't make the list. Why? Because he crawled back to a man who publicly screwed him over in his home country, had a hand in the death of his brother, and badmouthed his family for years, all because he needed money. Someone should hire a real hitman to mercy-kill Bret Hart.

6. Tiger Woods

Sure, Tiger has sucked since the Masters, but at least his showing at Augusta made for good television. I can't imagine the feeling of having your dirty laundry (and we're talking blood-and-shit stained whites) hung out for everyone in the world to see.

Related note: I love how most people say something along the lines of, "How could he do that? She's so pretty," as if only ugly people should be allowed to be cheated on.

5. Mario Lemieux

Le Magnifique retired due to, oh I don't know, cancer AND chronic back problems, came back three years later, and scored a goal and three points in his return game.

Related note: Super Mario finished in the top three for the Hart Trophy (MVP) that season, along with Gordon Bombay and Wolf "The Dentist" Stansson.

4. Tommy John

Dude permanently hurts his arm, hears some radical batshit doctor lingo about how to fix it, actually goes through with the procedure, and comes back and pitches for 15 more seasons, winning 20 or more games three times.

Unrelated note: My neighbor across the street is a horrible mother, a fantastic drinker, and obnoxiously loud. She's on her front porch 90% of the time, and I'm two weeks away from paying a brutish woman to fight her.

3. Muhammad Ali

Ali was stripped of his Heavyweight Title in 1967 for refusing to serve in the Vietnam War, then won a Supreme Court case, fought Joe Frazier twice, and regained his belt against George Foreman in 1974.

Related note: I missed "The Rumble in the Jungle" by ten years, making up for it in 1995 by seeing Jackie Chan's 1995 hit Rumble in the Bronx in the theater.

2. Michael Jordan

MJ won three titles, retired, then returned to win three more.

Related note: My really, really old great-aunt was dying, and my mom took me to the hospital to see her on the day Jordan came back to play my Pacers. I listened to the game on the radio in the car to the hospital, on the way home, and, yep, even in the room with her. Point of the story? Either Jordan's comeback was a bigger deal than a family member dying or I was a little shit as a kid. Probably the latter.

1. Fake Field Goal Pass 2

It's back...