You're Invited!

To: The beautiful, star-studded wedding of Lamar Joseph Odom & Khloe Alexandra Kardashian!

When: September 27, 2009, so be ready, TMZ! I mean, please respect our privacy! (P.S. Don't respect our privacy. Please cover our wedding? We'll pay you.)

Where: Wherever a TMZ photographer will have us.

Where You've Heard of Us: Well, let's see...Lamar is a zero-time All-Star who was on the All-Rookie First Team in 2000! Pretty cool, huh? He's played for the Los Angeles Clippers, Miami Heat, and Los Angeles Lakers, so he currently plays with Kobe Bryant! LA! Kobe Bryant! Lamar's a star, too, right? Right?? Um, let's see...he likes candy a lot! I think that's newsworthy...Jeez, this is hard...Um, he played collegiately at Rhode Island! Wait, that doesn't help...He was on the 2004 Men's United States basketball team that won a gold med - wait, they won a bronze? That's disgraceful for the US, right? Is it too late to delete that from our invitation? It is? Can we move on to Khloe?

Khloe is a star on the E! channel! That takes talent, right? She also...um...hang on, I've got it here somewhere...I leave too many goddamn papers on my desk...could you go see a movie or something for an hour or two? I'll have more information on her if you would do something time-consuming.

Ah, fuck. Come to Lamar and Khloe's wedding! KOBE BRYANT AND KIM KARDASHIAN WILL BE THERE!

P.S.

The Kardashian sisters were originally set to be married to Tom Brady, David Wright, and Joe Mauer, but plans fell through, so please disregard the respective registries for those marriages. The girls liked them and all, they were just too white.