44 For XLIV

No, this isn't an original idea. DJ Gallo probably has something very similar to this on ESPN.com, and Rick Reilly is probably figuring out how to make his list rhyme so it's considered a poem. Just go with it, alright? It's my first Super Bowl preview.

44. Freeney's Injury

Let's get the big one out of the way. It's huge. Now I'm no Adam Schefter, but I see one of two things happening: 1) Dwight doesn't play at all. 2) Dwight plays the first play or two for Willis Reed-esque inspirational purposes, then cheers from the sidelines the rest of the way. And yes, if he gets a sack and does a grimacing salute, expect my eyes to water as if I were watching the last half hour of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

This directly leads to...

43. Robert Mathis

One of my favorite Colts of the Manning era. From his animalistic jump off the line to his instincts to strip the ball (seriously, how many sack/forced fumble combos does this guy have?) Mathis has been a sheer delight to cheer for. The ultimate Robert moment for me?

All I need to do is complete this pass! Then I'll be taken seriously as an NFL quarterback! Stardom, here comes Sage!

Poor Sage never even saw the carnage coming. This one play effectively ended everyone in the world except Ma and Pa Rosenfels' faith in Sage as anything other than a punchline. Truly devastating.

42. Tom Benson Is A Hypocrite

My friend Jordan made a really good point two weeks ago: Doesn't anyone remember how badly Benson, the Saints owner, wanted to move the team away from New Orleans? He tried hard before Katrina, then played the "well, I mean come on now, now we HAVE to move" after Katrina. If he raises the Lombardi, saying, "THIS...IS FOR THE CITY OF NEW ORLEANS!" to raging applause, I'm going to vomit.

Plus, he did this.

41. Does Dungy Leave Winners?

If the Colts win, that would be the second team that went on to win the Super Bowl the next season following his departure. Of course, number 41 also represents the Super Bowl victory Dungy brought to Indy, so I'll shut up now.

40. Joseph Addai

Colts fans like to bitch about Addai's dancing, but if the Colts win, this will be the second time in Addai's four years. You'll look back on his career fondly.

39. Garcon and Collie

Vegas has Pierre Garcon and Austin Collie on the board for Super Bowl MVP candidates. You knew that at the beginning of the season, right?

38. Chad Simpson

The Colts are 1-0 this season when Simpson returns a kickoff for a touchdown. The Colts are also 15-2 when Simpson runs right into his blockers and opposing special teams players on kickoff returns. Bet accordingly.

37. Reggie Bush Drunk

Yes! Sure, it's a Tuesday and not the night before the game, but this is still hilarious. I bet a teary-eyed Matt Leinart proudly read that TMZ page like my mom did my high school diploma.

36. White Castle

A new White Castle radio commercial was all over the airways this week, where some "Plain Jane" woman apparently became "Spicy Stacy" after eating some dogshit slider or something. Consider this the REAL advertisement for White Castle, in the form of two stories, courtesy of FFGP2:

1) The last time I was at a White Castle (this will also count as the last time I ever go to a White Castle) was with two friends, who for some inexplicable reason wanted to eat there. I think they like the taste of the bottom of a dumpster a homeless man just died in. Speaking of the homeless, they were littered throughout the "restaurant" (yes, this was close to 3 AM, the hot hours for White Castle business, which should say something) and the only other patron was a loudmouth drunk who resembled a young Bill Polian. He talked our ears off about his business or real estate or something, and appeared to be a trustfund punk. He quickly became an inside joke of a character to us, therefore needing a name. We settled on Bradford Gosselin Polian.

2. The last time I actually ate White Castle, I woke up in the middle of the night and puked, shit, and had a bloody nose all at the same time. True story.

35. Kim Kardashian

What an exceptionally filthy piece of trash. She's the exact reason people hate America.

34. Saints Receivers vs. Tim Jennings

One definite worry stemming from the Freeney injury? Now the left tackle doesn't need another man helping him block, so Brees can send another receiver out. That means more Tim Jennings, which means more chest pain for me in my 40s and 50s.

33. Pete Townshend is still a sex offender

I'm sorry, I still think that's hilarious.

32. Edge of Darkness is HORRIBLE

I saw the new Mel Gibson movie opening night, hoping for buried comedic gold. Yes, it had a few laugh-out-loud nuggets, but it sucked harder than Brandon Rush's confidence after missing his first three shots. (I'm glad two, maybe three people got that Pacers reference)

There was also a baby sitting behind us. A baby. In a rated-R movie about Mel Gibson hunting down and murdering the people who murdered his daughter.

31. Rod Blagojevich "from Celebrity Apprentice" Picked The Colts

Along with the Kardashians, this is what America is coming to. This creep TRIED TO SELL A SENATE SEAT! He was going to block funding to people who didn't cooperate with his shady politics! Now he gets to be on a reality show, and even end the promo with a cute "You're fired? I've heard that before!" joke? Wow. Well, at least he went with the Colts...

This haircut should be sitting in a jail cell, not picking my favorite team to win the Super Bowl.

30. Michigan State Didn't Win For The Auto Industry

A lot of times, sports can soften harsh blows of reality. That Monday night game when the Saints re-opened the Superdome against the Falcons was unbelievable, but this isn't that game, and Peyton Manning isn't Michael Vick.

Remember just last year when Michigan State, even playing in Detroit, had a sob story from every direction? Everyone hoped they would do it for the slumping American auto industry. Guess what? They got the shit kicked out of them by a better, historically good North Carolina team. Don't count on God looking down, winking at the Saints, and waving his hands over the stadium for a Saints win.

On a related note, "Who Dat" is ridiculously stupid. Surely the Saints fans with bags on their heads had that thrown back on them so many times, you would have assumed it would have been retired.

29. "I told Reggie [Bush, boyfriend of Jenner's stepdaughter Kim Kardashian] he's under a lot of pressure because this family has very high standards. I have an Olympic gold medal, Lamar (Odom, who is married to Khloe Kardashian) has an NBA ring, so if Reggie wants in, he has to bring something to the table. He said, 'Would a ring and an MVP work?' I said, 'That will do it. We'll proudly bring you into the family then' - Bruce Jenner

Um, so what do his step-daughters have to do to meet those "high standards", besides getting with successful, rich athletes and fucking Brandy's brother?

And rumors are Bush has promised Kim he'll propose to her if the Saints win. That's like promising your idiot kid a trip to Disney World if he gets straight A's on his report card.

28. Maury Povich, for saying "I go with smarts..." in regards to his pick of Manning and the Colts

Ironic.

27. The Blind Side is up for Best Picture, Bullock for Best Actress

No, I will NEVER admit I was wrong. Sorry, it won't happen. I will admit that people are idiots. Really? This movie is up for Best Picture? And Sandra Bullock is up for Best Actress? What makes this movie any different than The Rookie, Remember the Titans, or Glory Road?

In other news, Alvin and the Chimpmunks: The Squeakquel has just passed Avatar as the highest-grossing international film of all time, and is nominated for 12,345 Academy Awards, including Best Screenplay.

The Oscars suck this year, and I may not even watch.

In other film news...

26. The Tooth Fairy is up "330%" this week according to imdb.com

What, that doesn't make sense to you?

25.



24. Pay Attention to Saints Kicker Garrett Hartley

I'm shocked he could even concentrate on that game-winning kick in the NFC Championship. Hopefully he can stay awake for the duration of the Super Bowl.

23. Dear John looks fucking terrible

Gee, I hope nobody dies or gets cancer in the latest Nicholas Sparks shitfest. What a hack.

22. Inception looks fucking awesome

Can't. Wait.

21. Quote of the Day

“Maybe she’s not the best technical singer, but she’s probably the best emotional singer because everybody else who gets up there and is technically perfect, people don’t seem to want more of it.”

~Scott Borchetta, head of Big Machine Records, on multiple Grammy winner Taylor Swift

20. Made-Up Quotes of the Day

"I totally loved The Blind Side!"

~Taylor Swift

"We, like, totally love The Blind Side and Taylor Swift!"

~America

19. Come on, now

I haven't heard one person say, "I'm just happy for the city of Indianapolis."

18. Aaron Schatz is awesome

The Football Outsiders guru recently figured the odds of two men named Pierre playing in the same Super Bowl (something like 165 million to one).

17. Raise the banner

You know who the Colts played the day they raised the banner for Super Bowl XLI? Yep, the Saints. Beat the hell out of them.

16. If you root for the Saints, you're rooting for Jeremy Shockey

15. If you root for the Colts, you're rooting for Gary Brackett

14.



13. Jerome Pathon Bowl

12. Jason David Bowl

11. Dungy's doppelganger?

When has Tony ever been like this? Let's check behind the blue vest for some wiring or smoke.

10. A fear subsided...a little

At first, the fact that EVERYONE was betting on the Colts scared the shit out of me. After the Freeney injury, the line (and public, a little anyway) have come back down.

For some reason, this matters to me.

9. What About Bob?

Remember when Bob Sanders was the key to the defense? Does anyone have a weirder career?

8. Dodging a Bullitt (Cute, right?)

Melvin has been AWESOME, yet another testimonial to Polian's genius when it comes to drafting and stocking up guys. No Bob, no problem.

7. Do you miss Marvin?

As much as I hate to say it, but haven't Garcon and Collie made more clutch playoff plays this season alone than Marvin ever did? I hate tearing someone down to make other people look better (which I'm totally doing) but other than the "he was never touched" play against Denver, what was Marvin's signature postseason feat?

And the story on SI today about how Reggie hasn't even talked to Marvin since he left Indy was truly eye-opening.

6. Give Caldwell credit

My friend Whinrey was really pissed before the season that the Colts didn't even interview a Bill Cowher or Mike Shanahan before handing the reins over to Caldwell. Worked out ok so far, huh? I disagreed on a couple huge things (which we'll get to), but the defensive and special teams coordinator shake-ups were absolutely necessary, and both home runs.

And another thing? Caldwell seems like a really, really smart guy. Whether it's dropping his English literature degree-level knowledge during a press conference, or having a staring contest with whatever he has staring contests with during games, you can count me as a fan.

5. I remember Jim Irsay getting booed

Right before announcing the plans for Lucas Oil Stadium, Jim Irsay was booed on the field. Routinely. People hated his dad and him. Not anymore.

4. Me and Thunder Dan

My friend Dan and I had season tickets for five years, yet never attended one playoff game together. We never even watched them together. Not even the Super Bowl.

This season? We finally started watching the playoffs together. Blame our futility for all of the previous years of playoff failures.

3. Pursuit of Perfection

Yes, I'm still mad. Maybe it would have been different, but just look at Freeney. He rested a lot down the stretch, and he's still not practicing because of injury with the game two days away. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW. Should have gone for history.

Oh well. Now I can just be that annoying guy the rest of my life who always claims this team went undefeated, with the classic "the only team that beat the Colts were the Colts" argument.

2. Manning

He IS Michael Jordan. He IS Joe Montana. He IS Tiger Woods. He is the greatest quarterback to ever play this game. Come Sunday night, there won't be too many people on the other side of that fence.

1. 38-24 Colts