Than watch NBC's "Last Comic Standing" again...
-Pick burial plots
-Watch my daughter's acceptance speech at the AVN Awards
-Drown
-Be forced to fight another prisoner in Gary Heidnik's dungeon, after weeks of being fed nothing but dog food, and then dog food mixed with human remains
-Create and maintain this website.
-Have the deviated septum in my nose tear back open, only to be cauterized shut again
-Hear the echoing smack of the tray that is my dinner hitting the floor in solitary confinement
-Have whole heads of lettuce thrown at me on my walk to the guillotine
-Walk in on someone being murdered, completely horrified, only for the murderer to put the knife in my hand, jump out the first-floor window, and the police rush in with me standing over the body
-Anything. For the love of God, anything
-Adopt a puppy, then have it immediately taken away from me
-Be tortured by a group of men, yelling at me in a language I don't understand, who have me confused for someone else
-Watch all of Clark Duke's scenes from the movie SEX DRIVE on loop
-Be somehow transported back to a New Orleans bar during Tracey Porter's interception of Peyton Manning that sealed the Saints victory in the Super Bowl
-Be in a scenario where everyone that lived in my town thought this was the most rational way of determining whether or not my existence was justified and I could remain their neighbor
-Burn alive with my family
