LeRant

Thank the dear, sweet lord.

POINT GUARDS

Russell Westbrook vs. Mario Chalmers

Opposing point guard play has been going rather well against the Miami Heat so far in the playoffs, not counting guys literally breaking their legs.  Darren Collison certainly had his moments, and of course Rajon Rondo statistically knocked on the door of my historic 2005-6 "playing against elementary school kids while working after-school care" season.  What will RussWest do to them?  He'll probably have a few shooting stinkers, but the guy's just too damn athletic to lose this individual matchup.  That is, until LeBron shifts over to guard him.  We'll see.

SHOOTING GUARDS

Dwyane Wade vs. Thabo Sefolosha

Rant:  Wade is damn obnoxious.  I had a discussion with a co-worker (a Celtics fan) about him sometime during the Heat-Pacers series.  She couldn't understand how or why I didn't like Dwyane Wade.  In the middle of the Heat-Celtics series, she agreed wholeheartedly.  The dude bitches when a team celebrates on the court after beating them during a heated playoff series, yet practically comes out to the Goldberg routine to introduce his team to their fans in the offseason before playing one game.  The guy sulks and bumps his coach and glares at refs and whines for every...single...fucking...call, just to bump his chest and step over dudes and stare at the crowd when the Heat have a big lead.  When he held his hand up after hitting a three in front of the Maverick bench last season in the Finals, I was hoping Rick Carlisle would chew his dick off like a dog.

SMALL FORWARDS

Kevin Durant vs. LeBron James

I saw Prometheus in 3D the other night.  The feeling I have right now, fifteen minutes before the start of what promises to be one of the most electrifying, historically significant NBA Finals matchups ever, is the same I get when I'm sitting in the theater for a film I've been waiting on and already know will deliver.  It's as if Christopher Nolan surprised everyone and The Dark Knight Rises came out tonight.  LeBron and Durant?  Are you kidding?  I longed for this matchup all season (with the known asterisk being the Pacers would not make the Finals), even when San Antonio sucked me in with the offer of watching a team dominate night in and out on their way to immortality.

The King and Durant!  

EVERYONE ELSE

Are you kidding?  LeBron and Durant?  In the NBA Finals?  Everyone wanted Kobe vs. LeBron a few years back (thanks, Magic) but this is better!  I don't give a shit about Chris Bosh or Shane Battier or Derek Fisher going for six (just shoot me) or Spoelstra maybe winning the title and getting fired in the offseason Switzer-style.  

THE VERDICT

I can't.  You're picking against LeBron, a historic talent who has played brilliantly all playoffs, to come up with nothing again.  You're picking against Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook.  You're picking against a coach who looks like Gordon Bombay on the night of his DUI and another coach who looks like he's looking at boobs for the first time.

So, I asked someone who knows nothing about sports.  Someone who once asked if a black man on a New Orleans brochure was Peyton Manning.  Someone who routinely asks both what sport the Pacers play and what state they are from.  I asked my darling wife.

Without missing a beat?

Heat in six.

Everyone but Seattle hopes not.