A New Era Begins...

Kurt, I know this is an extremely physical game. Extremely physical. But you have to understand, at 38 you're still a top five player at your position. You really are, I'm not just trying to get you to come back. You still have it in the tank. The heartache sucks, I know. I want to win that damn trophy more than anybody else on this planet, and I know you do too, son. One more season. One more. Whattya say?

Not this time, coach. I'm really done. The game's just not fun anymore. I have seven children, and everytime I'm lying there on my back after another routine bone-crushing hit, I think of Brenda. Beautiful, beautiful Brenda. Raising those kids all by her lonesome. I'm sorry, coach. It's time to walk away...

You really changed the mindset around here, coach. I respect the heck out of you for that. Thank you for letting me walk away on my terms. It's been great, and I love you. God bless.

Man, I wonder what Kurt and coach are talking about. I hope it's not how I was drunk all throughout training camp...

It's so great being back in LA! That's what the offseason is for, right? Seeing all your old buddies and getting uh-WAAAAAAA-STED! Am I right, fellas? Chest bump me! Chest bump me right now, you good lookin' mother fucker! Bein' in the NFL fucking rules!


Look, uh, Matt. We all love having you around SC. You're always family. You know that, right? You've done some great things here, nobody questions that. But, you know, Pete's not around anymore, and I don't know if Coach Kiffin appreciates you showing up around the young players like this. Practice is for drills and discipline, and, well, you have your old SC shirt on with vomit and shit all over it.


I've had a great, great career. But now, it's over. I've accomplished so much, and now I feel I can spread God's word in other places. I will strap on a helmet no more.


You bullshittin' me? Kurt's retiring? So...so I'M the starting quarterback now? Well why waste another minute! Time to put in the preparation necessary for a starting quarterback in the NFL!


Fuck yeah, ladies! Who wants a STARTING quarterback dick tonight? This ain't no benchwarmer dick anymore! USC glory days, here I come!


Alright, well if Pierre runs the sluggo, his safety should drop back in coverage, fully expecting me to loft it over top. Wayne, on the other side, is gonna run a post. Dallas is going to initially appear on a stop-and-go, freezing the linebacker for the split-second necessary to dump it off to Joseph for a reasonable gain of eight or nine on first down...


Did...didjya hear? I'm..I'm a schtartinig quar...quarter...(laughing)


True, I could drop it to Laurence in the flat, but Wes is going to give his linebacker in nickel coverage the slightest of head fakes, and since we all know a linebacker on a slot receiver, let alone the greatest slot receiver in football today, is a nightmare from a defensive perspective, I'm going to look to him first. If he's not open, Randy will be running a slant towards the right hash mark...


WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!