Ever wanted to sound like ESPN's Hubert Davis or Steve Lavin? Do you want random strangers at bars to ask you how your bracket is doing, and - even better - impress said serendipitous drunkards with your otherworldly knowledge and highlighted marks of bracket success? Just follow these steps!
1) ALWAYS say how tall a player is whenever you mention him. Obviously you pay attention if you know height, right?
Example: "Duke's Kyle Singler, a 6'8" forward, can play inside, he can play outside. He's gonna be really tough to handle."
What NOT To Do: "Duke's Kyle Singler can play inside or outside. He's gonna be really tough to handle."
NOTE: Another unspoken rule is also brought up here. "Inside and outside" sounds like you know your shit. Try saying it!
2) Pick all the #1 seeds to make the Final Four, then try not to laugh when ESPN or some other major sports network, publication, or website refers to you as one of their "experts".
Example: "Well, I have Kansas, Syracuse, Kentucky, and Duke advancing to the Final Four."
What NOT To Do: "Well, I have Ohio State, Syracuse, Kentucky, and Baylor advancing to the Final Four."
3) Never, under any circumstances, admit that you haven't seen one of the 64 teams' games this season.
Example: "Temple's gonna have a hard time with Cornell. Didn't you see the way they beat the fuck out of La Salle back on December 29th?"
What NOT To Do: "I've never seen Cornell play. What state do they play in again?"
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