Memo To The Indiana Pacers

Stop doing this! The last three years between the months of October and February, you've shown the world you are not a competitive, nor particularly entertaining, NBA team. You've also shown you need a lot of help, and definitely need a marquee name (as all real NBA teams do) to actually start building towards anything close to a playoff team. Danny Granger is a fantastic player, but he's a second banana. To get that first banana, sometimes you must fail.

So please tell me where the logic is in suddenly winning games in March? Other teams are tanking, and yes, it's disgraceful. But if other teams are doing it (and it WORKS) for God's sake, DO IT. Where's the pride in beating another team into better lottery odds while hurting your own chances?

There are two acceptable answers for you in this draft, if avoiding relocation, fan mutiny and/or indifference, bankruptcy, or just plain fucking boredom matter to you. Several times this year the guys on TNT or NBA TV have made jokes about how they don't even want to watch the highlights of the Pacers. Thanks, guys.

Acceptable Scenario #1

Acceptable Scenario #2

I know, I know. I'm not the GM. BUT DO THIS.

It took me fucking forever to get these two guys in this dorky mock lottery. Improve your damn odds.