Normally, an NBA practice is a closed-door affair. Any smart head coach should know opening up his practice doors to the likes of a two-bit blogger would be career suicide. His precious plays! The countless hours of game planning! It would all be rendered useless once hitting the blogosphere, especially an ingenious insider website numerous GM's and scouts frequently refresh for the slightest edge in today's hypercompetitive sports world.
Not so with Cleveland Cavaliers head coach Mike Brown. He invited FFGP2 to his team's Wednesday morning practice in Toronto, and here's what we caught:
Mike Brown: Alright, guys! Time for Elbow 22Z! Elbow 22Z! Come on, guys! Run it!
Mo Williams: What's that, coach?
Mike Brown: You know, that one play where LeBron drives to the basket.
Anthony Parker: What do I do, coach?
Mike Brown: You, um, you (scanning notes) stand over there in the corner, Peter. Get your man out of the paint.
Anthony Parker: Peter? I'm Anthony.
Mike Brown: Anthony, right. You stand over there, Anthony.
(15 minutes later)
Mike Brown: Alright, guys. Good stuff we're running here. Now I wanna see Eagle Beige 11. Eagle Beige 11!
Delonte West: Yeah, that's a good one. What's that one again, coach?
Mike Brown: Look, guys. I know it's a very sophisticated offense. It's a Coach of the Year-worthy offense, actually. But we should all know these plays by now. Eagle Beige 11 is that play where, um, LeBron, like, beats his man off the dribble, then gets by another man, and KA-BOOH-GLAH! He just, you know, dunks it really hard.
Coby Karl (to Anderson Varejao): Oh, man. I love that play!
Mike Brown: Yeah, yeah. I drew it up. It's my play.
The Cleveland Cavaliers playbook consists of as many plays as LeBron's articles of clothing.
(20 minutes later)
Mike Brown: Yeah, I think we've got that one down. Alright, gather round, guys. Gather round. Next on the list is Des Moines Nightmare Throwdown.
Zydrunas Ilgauskas: My favorite. This is the same play as Eagle Beige 11, just set up for me, right?
Mike Brown: No. God, no. This is, you know, that one play where Shaq gets under the basket. Then, we pass it to him for, like, a baby sky hook. Or whatever you want, Shaq.
(35 minutes later)
(Mike Brown is taking a nap while Boobie Gibson, Daniel Green, and J.J. Hickson YouTube LeBron's high school highlights)
(45 minutes later)
(Mike Brown is still napping peacefully. Meanwhile, LeBron James is meticulously teaching his teammates pick-and-rolls, alleyoops, and zone defense)
(15 minutes later)
(Mike Brown wakes up, only to find his team running LeBron's plays)
Mike Brown: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What is this? What the shit is this?
Jamario Moon: We just thought we'd run a few...
Mike Brown: You just thought nothing. You thought absolutely fucking nothing, Jamal. Sit your ass on the pine. You ain't seein' a damn minute tonight. You don't do...
LeBron James: Coach, I thought I'd add a few things to spice up the playbook.
Mike Brown: Oh! Well...well that's fantastic! That sounds great, LeBron! That sounds splendid! Just make sure that 80% of our plays are still either Elbow 22Z or Eagle Beige 11, and 15% Des Moines Nightmare Throwdown. Remember? Coach of the Year?
(For the final 30 minutes of practice, Mike Brown played NBA Live 95 on Sega Genesis and wrote down "badass plays" in a notebook)
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