Today we are going to play...

WHO HAD THE RAUNCHIEST, DIRTIEST, "SHOUT-I-WANT-MY-MOMMA-TA'-HEAR" SEX WITH SERENA WILLIAMS?

Today's contestants...

Common

No offense to Common, but I'm just not seeing it. I see delicate, tender lovemaking here, like adolescent deer rubbing faces.

CC Sabathia

Let's not judge a book by it's cover, now. CC may be 300 pounds, but word on the street is he's a softie at heart. I bet he treated Serena like a gentleman. Or I'm dead wrong.

Corey Maggette

Apparently, Corey made a guest appearance in Common's video "Drivin' Me Wild". Awwwwwwkwarrrrrrrd. You know what else he made a guest appearance in? Serena Williams's vagina. Ace!

Keyshawn Johnson

Oddly enough, this is the face Keyshawn made when Serena disrobed. Three minutes later, after several fruitless pleas to "slow down", Keyshawn was in a peaceful slumber. Disqualified.

Brett Ratner

No, really. I'm not joking. How crazy would it be if, unbeknownst to all of us, he was actually the winner?

Well, he's not. Only one man can hold that title, and that man is...

Marty Schottenheimer!

Whoops...

LaVar Arrington!

Congratulations, LaVar! You, undoubtedly in my mind, had the dirtiest, raunchiest, "Shout-I-want-my-momma-ta'-hear" sex with Serena Williams! I bet it was like the Spinosaurus vs. T-Rex showdown in Jurassic Park III.

I remember LaVar mercilessly harrassing the Northwestern punter during a game, so I can't imagine how vicious he is between the sheets.

Natasha Williams-Arrington