Mark Schlereth, Swami

Sure, I woke up a little nervous Sunday morning. After all, the Colts hadn't played well as of late (we were told) and the Titans were hotter than Sally Field in Mrs. Doubtfire (No one else? Just me?). On top of that, it was a division game, so the cliche says you throw all logic out the window.

Then something happened. Chris Berman and the Sunday NFL Countdown gang (which reminds me of a mid-90's corporate "soul" group) introduced Martina McBride to sing a song about how the Titans were going to beat the Colts. I can't find the video anywhere, nor the lyrics, and for good reason. The lyrics were cheesy guff about how Manning was real good, but wouldn't be good enough to win the game, like a child wrote the song and didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

As soon as the segment ended (with Berman raving about the song, complete with under-the-table-flogging, saying it would be a hit in Nashville if the Titans pulled out the W), I let out an exhale of relief. For it was at that moment I knew the Colts would surely win by two scores. Karma, just like victory, never has Martina McBride on her side.

Everybody ready for panels and panels of "experts" to pick the Broncos to win in Indy this weekend?

One of the main reasons I started this website (other than to vigorously stroke my ego, the far-and-away number one reason) was to prove how random sports really are. People watch them, bet on them, study them, etc., so naturally, they become "experts" on them. Guess what? You'll never become an expert on sports. Ever.

Take the NBA. The Dallas Mavericks (a perennial "good enough to make the second round of the playoffs" team) in the last four weeks have beaten San Antonio, Houston (by 31), and a bunch of bad teams. Makes sense, right? Sure, until you factor in losses to dreadful Golden State, Cleveland (a respectable loss), and a pathetic trouncing at the hands of putrid Memphis (by 17). There's just no rhyme or reason to that league. None. The great teams will win, and normally beat the teams they're supposed to, but other than that, night in and night out, it's a free-for-all.

Now the NFL. During New England's 2001-2004 dominant stretch, I remember "experts" constantly picking every other team to win the AFC East. Everybody wanted to be The Man who predicted the Patriot downfall (Mark Schlereth is the king of trying to be The Man), whether it was in overall standings or on a game-by-game basis. It got annoying, even as a Colt fan. "Why aren't they picking the Pats? Of course they're going to win," I'd think.

Same thing has happened to the Colts as of late. Do you remember all the pundits' AFC South preseason predictions this season? Or the past five years? The Texans are so sexy! The Jaguars have all the pieces this year! The Titans are going to run away with it! In no other job I know of can you be wrong (only on national television or print, though, so small potatoes) so many times, over and over again, and face no repercussions. It's remarkable.

Go ahead, guys. Keep picking the never-been-to-the-playoffs Texans to win the division. Lord knows my Sacramento Kings pick could use a little shine.

THE "YOU KNOW HOW STUPID THOSE FORWARDED EMAILS ARE WITH PETITIONS? THE ONES THAT DON'T MATTER IN THE SLIGHTEST IN THE LONG RUN? LET'S START ONE OF OUR OWN: NBA COACHES MUST WEAR TEAM UNIFORMS ON THE SIDELINES."

Every day this week will be a new coach.

FFG, we runnin' this blog shit.