On This Day In Sports History...

When: The early 1930's MLB Winter Meetings in French Lick, IN

Luckily, FFGP2 had a futuristic recording device in MLB commissioner Kenesaw Mountain Landis's private booth during the meetings, capturing the historic moment on tape. The following is the transcript of said recording:

Kenesaw Mountain Landis: Can someone remind me again why the fuck we're in French Lick, Indiana? Who's idea was it to come here? Maclin, was it yours? Was it your preposterous idea? I could piss on this idea.

Maclin: Here, here. It was certainly my idea, and a grand one at that.

Landis: Care to extrapolate on that one there, Mac? Just a little? I had never heard of this backwater, inbred place before. Barely heard of Indianapolis!

MacArthur: I say, isn't French Lick the home of Larry Bird?

Landis: Yeah, Mac-fucking-Arthur! But this is the early '30s!

(Brief pause - a maid drops a pan in the background)

MacArthur: Not following.

Landis: Bird's not alive yet, you fucking loser!

Did this mother fucker just say French Lick?

MacArthur: Oh. Of course.

Unknown Voice: There's a casino in French Lick! And a Springs Resort! And...

Landis: Did you look up French Lick on the internet? You can't do that! It's the 1930's, remember? You can't fucking do that! Oh, God! We're stuck here! Are we not stuck here?

Unknown Voice: Well I'll-be-damned. Well I'll-be-good-goddamned. Say, Kenny...what the hell are we doing in French Lick, Indiana?

I KNOW this mother fucker did NOT just say French Lick.

Maclin: Ah, take it easy there, KML. It's not so bad. We're only here for a few weeks. Surely there's time to backgammon, or go horseback riding, perhaps catch a gangster film.

Unknown Voice: I've heard the women here give mouth AND cunny for a dime! Throw in a couple pennies and they'll shine your shoes!

Landis: Yeah, I've heard that, too. It doesn't change the fact that you've all let me down. Remember? Last year? I said somewhere warm. Somewhere south. Somewhere I could locate on a map, even a map of Indiana.

He did! That mother fucker DID just say French Lick!

Landis: (Apparently on the phone) Landis speaking.

Hi, honey. Yes, I'm here.

At the winter baseball meetings.

French Lick.

No. French Lick, Indiana.

I swear it's a true place. It's south of...

Honey, I swear I'm not seeing her again! I tell you, I'm in French Lick, Indiana! Mac...

Maclin, will you please tell her we're in French Lick, Indiana?

What do you mean Maclin was having sex with the same prostitute, so why would he tell the truth? I'm telling...

Honey, it's a real place! Get out the map!

Please don't call the lawyer! I'm not chasing skirts, honey! Honest!

(Camera pans up)

FRENNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!!!!!