What? Was There A Game Last Night?

Unbelievable. Unreal, unbelievable unreal unreal. Unreal, "Unreal, unbelievable unreal," unreal unbelievable. Unreal.

I was just going to do that for this whole thing, but that would get really annoying. But honestly, what else is there? Well, let's try anyway...

1. Everybody's talking about Belichick's gamble on 4th and 2, and rightly so. But there was honestly no doubt in my mind that they were going to get it. Either Faulk was going to run another one of those annoying draws (nice job adjusting, guys!), Welker was going to run a curl or slant for the 3,457,958th time in his career, or 6'4" Randy Moss was going to molest 5'8" Tim Jennings in front of 500 bajillion people, leading to Brady running out the clock and annoyingly banging helmets with his linemen in celebration of a big win. I was sure of it.

Colts cornerback Tim Jennings, seen here celebrating a deflected pass in the third quarter of Sunday night's win against the New England Patriots.

Amazingly, they didn't get it. And while I had no doubt Manning would drive them in (that's not true at all - sports pessimism is my second job, and last night I was working overtime) I was nervous as hell. How much time will they leave? How annoying would a red zone turnover be? Is thirteen seconds a bad omen for us or them? What happened in Al Michaels's past to make him say, "Don't even get me started on fireworks in indoor stadiums" earlier in the game? Was he raped during an indoor pyrotechnics display? You know, normal questions.

2. Is Reggie Wayne the best receiver in Colts history? Sure, he's got a long way to go to catch Marvin in the record book, but I'm not talking about records. I'm talking about clutch. While Garcon and Collie flicked each others' beans and discussed Katherine Heigl's filmography during the first three and a half quarters, Wayne caught everything in his vicinity, including Manning's laser slant at the end. From his ungodly catch (dragging THREE feet in!) at the beginning of the game to his game-winner, Reggie Wayne is the best receiver in the league. Moss and Welker live next door in the neighborhood, though.

One of Belichick's many uncharacteristic mistakes last night? Challenging Reggie Wayne. Just don't do it. Ever.

3. The difference between pre-2006 Peyton Manning and post-2006 Peyton Manning is astonishing. Before, there was a lingering feeling of "here comes a pick" or "wonder how the Colts will choke this one away". Now? Manning is cold-blooded. He's absolutely ruthless.

I used to secretly shy away from the "Brady vs. Manning" argument because, honestly, what ammunition did I have? Brady won more, he won head-to-head, he made supermodels hit the headboards, then (and this one hurt) he started to take the stats, too. Now (and hopefully, after at the very least one more Super Bowl - this season) I can confidently say that not only is Manning better than Brady, he's better than anyone. Ever. And in the clutch, too.

Peyton Manning's PeyBack Foundation gives one lucky homeless person sideline tickets, a Colts jacket, and a headset before every game.

I really don't have anything else to add. You can't. Did the Colts deserve to lose? They were six minutes away from being blown out at home. After Welker's punt return, my friends and I were more devastated than Roman Polanski seeing the word "PIG" written in his pregnant wife's blood. Was I in a bad mood for 93% of the game? Yes. Does this game necessarily mean they'll beat the Pats at home if it comes down to it in the playoffs? No. But...they won. Did the Patriots deserve to win?

No.

Yep, I took a picture of the Boston Globe sports section scoreboard. My favorite teams OWNED Boston this weekend, the most annoying sports city in America. Bliss.

THE "GUY IN HIS 40'S IN YOUR COLLEGE CLASS RAISING HIS HAND AND ANSWERING ALL THE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE 60'S AND 70'S AND BEING REAL SMUG ABOUT IT" AWARD

Congratulations to Devin Barclay! The Ohio State kicker nailed a game-winner to send the Buckeyes to the Rose Bowl. That's impressive, right?

Right?

Wrong! Barclay is TWENTY SIX YEARS OLD! He used to play in the MLS! He's EIGHT years older than some of his teammates! I'm supposed to be impressed by this? What's he doing after games, buying alcohol and renting cars for his teammates? Talking about seeing BACK TO THE FUTURE in the theater? This annoys me. Another thing that annoys me? The name "Devin". Have you ever met anyone over the age of 30 named Devin? Can you imagine a Grandpa Devin? It's a kid's name, like Chad. I can't picture two old men playing chess together in 2047 and hearing:

Old Man #1:

Checkmate, Devin.

Old Man #2:

You got me, Chad!

BADASS OF THE WEEK

Go ahead. Make fun of Manny Pacquiao for this picture. I'm not.