Why Favre Is NOT The MVP

Get it? They're both along for the ride?

Sorry, everybody. As much as the media now wants him to be, he's just not. And no, the biggest evidence I have isn't the fact that I'm from Indianapolis.

How do you determine who the Most Valuable Player is, again? Well, I've always understood it as, "If you replace Player X with his backup, how many games would his team win?", or, "Who flat-out does the most for his team, and has the absolute most affect on the gameplan, and how opponents gameplan against him?" Are the answers to both of those questions honestly Brett Favre?

First off, before we slurp every last drop from those 40-year old balls, let's keep in mind the Minnesota Vikings went 10-6 last year with a combination of Tavaris Jackson and Gus Frerotte at starting quarterback. They won their division and made the playoffs, despite Brad Childress's best efforts to thwart those noble hopes and ambitious preseason goals.

So what does that mean? Well, I gather Minnesota traditionally wins with a power running game and good defense. After all, they have Adrian Peterson and Jared Allen on their team, as well as perhaps the best offensive line in football, so that's not a terrible start. Add in Percy Harvin, this year's offensive rookie of the year, whom the immortal Jackson and Frerotte combo obviously did not have the luxury of having. So there's a few more wins, thanks to Harvin's dynamic return game and overall awesomeness alone.

And I understand Sidney Rice is developing into a monster under Favre's wing, but his flashes started last season.

Does this take anything away from Favre's impressive start and gaudy numbers? No, not really. I'm just saying he's not the most valuable player on his own team.

Now let's take a look at the Vikings schedule up to this point:

@ Cleveland, @ Detroit, San Francisco, Green Bay, @ St. Louis, Baltimore, @ Pittsburgh, @ Green Bay, BYE, Detroit, Seattle, Chicago

Talk about some juggernauts! By my estimation, that's five out of a possible eleven games against teams still in the playoff hunt today (San Francisco, Green Bay twice, Baltimore, and Pittsburgh). And I would even argue that two of those teams (SF and Baltimore) suck, the jury's still out on Green Bay (and there was a little something extra, there), and they lost to Pittsburgh.

So if Sage "The Fumbling Helicopter" Rosenfels plays in those games? They beat Cleveland, beat Detroit, and I'll put SF in the loss column (because that was Favre's signature MVP moment so far). They still beat GB at home because Jared Allen sodomized the Pack offensive line, beat the Rams, lose to Baltimore, lose to Pittsburgh, maybe lose at Green Bay, and still win those final three after the bye. That's still a record of 7-4 or 8-3. Sure, it's not 10-1, but it's still good enough to get into the playoffs in the shitty NFC North.

The Colts on the other hand? Without Manning they're 4-7 or, in a really good scenario, 5-6 (you know, since NINE of his eleven were teams currently in the playoff hunt). They're nowhere near 11-0 (let me repeat, 11-0) without him, and it's well-documented they rank second to last in rushing. Tony Dungy and Marvin Harrison morphed into Jim Caldwell, Pierre Garcon, and Austin Collie in the offseason - and they've already clinched the AFC South.

Think of every game-winning drive Manning has led the Colts on this season. Were you even nervous?

Now think of Jim Sorgi.

WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE?

THE "JARED ALLEN LOOKS LIKE THE KIND OF GUY THAT GETS DRUNK ALONE AND ORDERS TWO PROSTITUTES TO HIS HOUSE AT 2 A.M." AWARD

WHY ATHLETES ARE PROBABLY 83% ASSHOLES

"Squirt that in my mouth, mother fucker. I ain't holdin' it."

(Not necessarily Peterson. I like him. But is there anything more arrogant looking?)

ANYBODY ELSE NOTICE THE SKINNY DOMINO'S GUY'S RACK?

"When you buy a third large, one-topping pizza, I'll throw in the secret behind what's going on in my glands and chromosome region."

"GOD, MANNING! QUIT THROWIN' STUPID FIRST HALF PICKS! WAIT...WHAT DID THAT SAY AT THE BOTTOM? CAN YOU REWIND THAT?"

"YEP, I'M A PROFESSIONAL DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR, AND DESEAN JACKSON WAS LEFT UNCOVERED BY MY ASSIGNED DEFENDERS FOR A TOUCHDOWN, ON NATIONAL TELEVISION, NO LESS"

THE FUTURE OF AMERICAN CURRENCY